Stephanie Gunn

I think I’m finally feeling better.  I’m still coughing a lot, and will no doubt be doing so for a while, but at least I feel like I can stand and move about without falling over.  Antibiotics are good things for secondary infections, yep.

Now I just need to get it together to finish making the last of my Xmas presents for people, and make it through the holiday season without collapsing in a heap.  That’s going to take some careful measurement of spoons, I think.

As for work, I don’t think I’m going to be doing any serious work for the next few weeks.  Between the holidays and wanting to recover properly from this illness and flare, it would be crazy.  The good thing is that I have story whirling around in my head, words wanting to make it onto the page.

I loathe insomnia.

Those who have never suffered from it, I envy you.  Once, I would have counted myself amongst your number.  I used to sleep for ten hours a night, no problem.  Even when I first started having health issues, I never had problems sleeping.  That came later.

Insomnia has been my sometimes companion for several years.  It’s not of one variety, either – I have problems falling asleep, staying asleep and not waking up early.  The latter is the most rare, which is funny, because it’s the one aspect that I think I could probably cope with the most.

I’ve tried sleeping pills with varying amounts of success, alcohol, cutting out caffeine, different diets, exercising like a fiend, practicing good sleep hygiene, herbs…the list goes on.  I’m currently trying Valerian again, just to see if it makes a difference.  I did succumb to sleeping pills one night this week (and may again tonight), but I don’t like to use them as a long term solution.

My suppressed immune system has also led to a mild sinus infection that’s not helping anything.

I wish I was one of those people who could use the extra hours that they’re not sleeping to do something productive (like writing), but I end up being so mentally fuzzy that I can’t concentrate on anything at all.

Still, I sat down and wrote today.  What I wrote, I have no idea right now.  It’s just rewriting, so it shouldn’t be a huge hassle.  But I need to remember to check it properly tomorrow.  Assuming that I sleep tonight.

It’s so weird to think that this is our last week in this house. I cleaned this morning, as usual for a Monday, and I just kept on thinking that it’s going to be the last Monday here. I’m gonna miss this little place.

We are going to have to do a lot of painting at the new place. Everything else is okay though – the garden has been maintained and everything is clean. I can already see the things that I want to renovate down the track – namely the main bathroom. It looks like it’s original (the house was built in 1971), and while it’s not as awful as some bathrooms of the era are, it shows its age.

I’m not going to be doing any work this week. The human suit is still making my life difficult, and my energy levels are at the lowest that they’ve been all year. Right now I’m lying down and working on my laptop because it took too much energy to sit up after cleaning the house. Hopefully I can recover a few spoons by resting for a bit, and I can make a start on some packing.

I confess, I keep on forgetting to post over here, and keep on posting over at my livejournal instead.  My excuse is that I have a handy-dandy little program that makes it easy to post to LJ.  I need to spend some time hunting out an easier way to post to WordPress.

I also need to upgrade to the newer version of WordPress.  And I’m itching to do a makeover of the look of the WordPress journal.  So many of the templates out there just look the same as everything else.

No writing today, mainly due to the fact that I’m in flare.  Life has been full of stress of late (namely the stress of selling and buying a house, and a death in the family) and it’s taking its inevitable toll right now.  I’m hoping that a few days of resting will help things, since I’ll need energy next week for packing and moving.  I’m unsure as to whether I’ll be getting any writing done for the next few weeks.

The good thing is that I’ve been itching to write all day, even though I haven’t had the energy or focus.  I’m not good at giving myself holidays, when it comes down to it.  Not that I’ll be lolling about eating bon-bons, mind, even if I’m not writing.  We have a house full of stuff to move and then organise, a funeral, a wedding and then the usual holiday stuff.  It’s a busy month indeed.

Words for the week: 10,364

Writing was the same pattern as previous full weeks – I managed to write extra words from Monday to Thursday, which allowed me to have a slack day on Friday. It feels weird, still, since I’m so used to pushing myself to the limit (Hey, I can do 10k a week? Let’s try 20k!) but I have to do this. I need to pace myself.

One of the themes of late in the writing blogosphere has been how quickly people write. I see people who write 1,000 words in eight hours of work, people who write ten times that in less time.

Me? On a good day, I can get 2k done in an hour. We’re talking first draft here – I just sit down and let it all flow. I had a couple of days like that this week, where it all came easily. The rest were difficult. Pulling teeth. I hate those days.

It’s easy for me to get caught up in jealousy about what other writer accomplish in their time. And I have to keep on reminding myself that once upon a time, I could do that as well. I could write 2-3k after working a full day and not break a sweat. Nowadays, my body has other ideas, of course. Damn lupus.

New words: 3,254 words on Daemon.

Total: 7,257.

The writing was coming easily today, up to a point. That point was when the physical plane decided to get involved. Specifically, my joints started to flare up (for no apparent reason, except perhaps being tired). Had to have a break to wait for painkillers to kick in, and by the time they were working, the headspace was no longer optimal. I did manage about about 500 words, but they were nowhere near as good as the first few thousand.

New words: 2.075 words on a short story, Three times Three.
Total words: 69,041 still on Thought and Memory.
Reason for stopping: Out of energy.

Exercise : 30 minutes walking.
Other work: Nothing.
Reading: Jacqueline Carey’s Kushiel’s Chosen.

An idea for a short story popped into my head last night while I was battling insomnia. I decided to take a day off from the novel and attack it instead. I have a market in mind for it, but I have a feeling that it might be too much even for them. Let’s say that it involves peodophilia and be done at that.

Sometimes I am quite disturbed at what my mind spits out.

Either way, it’s interlinked with Thought and Memory, so even if it doesn’t find a home it’s a good exploration of one of my “evil” characters. She’s kind of fun to write, actually. A very broken woman, but a very strong one. I’m almost tempted to give her a novel of her own.

I managed to get a few things ticked off my list of things to do today – namely securing a birthday present and posting parcels. Next challenge is to get some more queries sorted for Shaede as well as the becoming-stupidly-overdue review. Maybe I’ll work on the review tonight, body issues willing.

The whole sickness thing is something that I’m not sure how to handle as a full-time writer. Other people get to take time off when they’re sick. I don’t feel like I get that option (unless I’m bedridden, which, let’s face it, would have to be me on my death’s bed. I tend to force myself to get up no matter what). I’ve been pretty ill this week, but still writing. It’s an addiction.