Posts Tagged ‘writermama’

On writing every day, and writing with a chronic illness

Feb 11th, 11 / 1 Comment

As is my wont from time to time, I have been devouring a blog – specifically, Theodora Goss’ blog.  And as is the universe’s wont, a post just came to my attention that meshes with thoughts I’d been having today – Write Every Day.

I have always been from the school of thought that says that a writer should write every day.  I am a creature of routine and habit.  Well, I have been previously, before this latest incarnation of life as a mother.  Even when I got sick, I still managed to develop a routine, and, most days, that included writing.  I’ve always tended to take weekends off, but weekdays, I had to have written something in order to feel like I hadn’t wasted a day.

And I have to step aside here for a moment.  When I got sick, I was still living at home with my parents (thanks to being a poor student).  I was in the best possible place I could be – I had their full support in everything.  I was able to focus my energy on what I wanted – which was writing.  I was very, very lucky, and I have continued to be very lucky in many ways.  I finished my studies, and am lucky to live in a country where my government supported me while I was too ill to work.  I then married a man who has been an amazing support to me.  Which is a long-winded way of saying that I am very, very aware that I am talking from a position of privilege.

Privilege, however, doesn’t change the facts of my day-to-day life.  Most days I deal with at least some level of pain and fatigue.  Most days also include some cognitive issues, most notably impacting upon my concentration levels.  Right now, most of my pain is being managed – fortnightly massage has done absolute wonders for my fibromyalgia pain, and I currently have the energy to be exercising five days a week.  But the fatigue is still there, as are the cognitive issues.  I operate on a limited number of spoons every day, no matter what.  And some days I start out thinking I have a dozen spoons, but in reality I only have two.

While there was only me to worry about, this wasn’t a huge issue.  Well, I won’t lie – it was.  It forced me to give up my career in science, forced me to live a life in which I was dependent upon someone else.  But I managed to carve out something new, and reached a level of acceptance.

Now, I am a mother.  And I am having to re-carve out the limits of my life.

My son always comes first.  That goes without saying.  But the writing…the writing is always there, always wanting to be born.

For so long, I’ve tried to keep on going with writing every day.  This past week, I’ve been really struggling.  My son has been not sleeping, which means that I’ve been not sleeping.  Which means that all of my health issues have flared up.  Today, I just gave in, and when my son finally went down for a nap, instead of trying to write or read, I just lay down on the couch and watched some television and then napped.

I feel guilty even writing that.  Which is kind of nuts, given that parenting in itself is a full-time job.  And hell, parenting with a chronic illness…I won’t even start, there.  I know there are plenty of people who have it far worse than I do, and have far less support.  But this is the life I walk through, and these are my limits.

Right now, I am very thankful to know others who struggle with similar issues – writers with chronic illnesses, and a couple who deal with chronic illness and parenthood at the same time.  There’s one in particular who I won’t name, since she chooses to keep her health issues out of the spotlight, but S., I hope you read this and know that you are a massive inspiration and help to me.

I guess the lesson here is that no piece of writing advice fits everyone and their life.  And sometimes you need to take that day off.

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On finding time

Jan 25th, 11 / Comments Off

The recent weeks have been a complete loss when it comes to writing.  Which is hardly surprising given recent events, and when you also factor in the inevitable physical reaction I have had to said evens (hello, flare).

I’m finding it very frustrating.  I’ve been working on outlining, which is something, but it’s not writing.  In addition to everything else, the baby has decided to have a complete regression when it comes to sleep and feeding.  Which has resulted in something like 4-6 wakings every night, and very, very tired parents.  And unlike some, I can’t work at all when I’m sleep deprived.  Even caffeine doesn’t help much.

I’m trying to start redefining my schedule, at least.  Which means sitting down to the laptop and working on something at my regular time (which is, for me, an hour or two that I get during the day when a family member watches the baby for me).  I’m finding myself wasting this time lately, a habit that I need to break.

I’ve been poking about online looking at some articles on how people balance children and writing (see here and here for two great examples).  While some articles are really helpful, they’re also frustrating for me to read right now, because they all assume that your kid actually sleeps like a human being.  It probably wouldn’t be so bad if the baby had never slept well, but I know that he’s capable of it.  We had a string of nights where he slept for 11-12 hours solid.  I miss those nights.

Anyway.  What it comes down to, really, is me making writing a priority.  I’m limited in the time and energy I have, thanks to the baby and health issues.  And I need to accept that some days will be losses, where I’m just too tired to do anything creative.  But on those days, at least, I can read and study my craft.

I can do this.  Even a hundred words a day builds up to a novel eventually.

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Blogs, too many blogs

Sep 15th, 10 / Comments Off

I’ve been thinking about blogs and blogging.

I came to blogging through livejournal.  Where I still maintain a presence (though I’ve pretty much moved my base of operations to dreamwidth, thanks to too much fail from LJ).  I like being able to lock entries, and I post a lot of my rambling personal-type entries there still.

Which leaves this blog kind of empty.  There’s only so many times you can post “Well, I wrote today” without it getting super boring.

I’d really like to start using this blog more.  Which means actually making it interesting to read.  The question is this – how much to share?  How much to talk about my son (who probably needs a code name of some kind, if I’m going to blog about him in public)?  How much is he going to appreciate anything about him being on the internet when he’s older?

I’ve been thinking about the writers’ blogs I really enjoy reading.  And they’re a mixture of day-to-day life and writing talk.  So I’m thinking that I might just start blogging about general stuff here.  Which hopefully won’t bore everyone to death, as this entry probably has ;)

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I have actually been writing

Sep 11th, 10 / 1 Comment

I have actually been writing, though anyone reading this blog would probably have a hard time believing that.

The truth is that time is just slipping away from me.  I always thought that somehow it would be easier to juggle everything with a small child (all of you parents, feel free to laugh here).  I wasn’t prepared for a baby who didn’t sleep for the first six months of his life.  And even now, with his sleeping improved, especially at night, his daytime sleeps are erratic and unpredictable.

I am, however, writing.  I’ve scaled back the amount of work I’ve been doing – shooting for at least 500 words a day, but most days I’m making 1,000.  I’m working on the first draft of Never right now, writing without an outline.  I plan on getting this draft done and then following what appears to be my process – outlining from that first draft and then rewriting completely from there.

I’m also trying to get in some reading every day again – some review reading and some fun reading.  I miss being able to devote hours at a time to reading, but hey, at least some reading is better than nothing.

Have also been reading a lot of posts and tweets and the like about Worldcon, all of which are making me feel even more gutted about not being able to go.  I guess it just means that I need to find a way to actually go to Swancon next year to make up for it.

Writermama

Jun 11th, 10 / Comments Off

So I’ve actually started writing again.

The obstacles to my writing are this: a gorgeous, though energetic, badly-sleeping, high needs six-month-old baby boy, lack of sleep because of said baby boy, and my own inconsistent health.

I’ve always been able to manage to work in some writing time around health issues. Combine that with the sprog, and we have writing disaster.

For most of the last six months, I’ve been so sleep deprived that writing has been the furthest thing from my mind. I’ve blogged a handful of times lamenting that I haven’t been able to write, and I’ve done a few dribs and drabs of work, but nothing substantial. And most of the time, I haven’t really wanted to write. Even now, the idea of writing a whole novel is daunting in a way it never has been before.

But even without that burning desire to put words onto the page, Story has still gnawed away at me. In particular, the story of Never.  It’s gotten to the point where I need to start writing it down.  Without writing, I feel like I’ve lost a part of me, and I’m determined to get it back.

For the next handful of years, my luxury of having many hours in which to write are gone.  The sprog always comes first.  I know that there are going to be days when I can’t write, because he needs me more, or because he’s had a bad night and I’m too sleep-deprived to think straight.

I need to make use of the good days.

The sprog’s sleep has improved dramatically this week with his move into his own room.  Which means that my sleep has improved dramatically, and I no longer feel like a total zombie.  I’m also now making use of family help to watch him for a few hours so I can get some work done.  Previously I’ve used that time to catch up on housework and the like.  Now it’s going to be a priority for me to write.  I can do a lot of housework while wearing the sprog, and he’s getting happier to sit and watch me do things for a while.  Writing, though, bores him to tears, and he spend the whole time trying to get to the keyboard or eat my laptop ;)

So, to a new style of writing.

This means that I’m outlining.  My writing sessions right now consist of me working up my character biographies, making my characters really live and breathe.  I’m spending a lot of time describing my locations, as well as doing research.  An invaluable tool has also been tumblr I can search Flickr with one hand for images which inspire me, and blog them to tumblr to keep a collection of pieces of Never.

It’s happening.  Slowly, but it’s happening.  And as I catch up on sleep more (which is a trend that I hope will continue), I should be able to carve out some writing time in the evenings after the sprog has gone to sleep.

I’m also going to be more disciplined with reading.  I used to read 50 pages of whatever I’m reading for review a day, with any other spare time given over to reading for pleasure.  Not sure if I can manage the 50 pages a day now, but I want to try to read something of my review work every day, at least.

Discipline.  It’s what’s for breakfast.

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Still not writing, but…

Mar 11th, 10 / Comments Off

Such is my schedule (or complete lack of one, thanks to the three month growth spurt – and lemme tell you, anyone who tells you that this growth spurt can be hard is telling the truth) that I’m not writing at all.

This is, perhaps, not completely true. I’m thinking about writing a lot – both about Never and The White Raven. And every time I make up my mind to work on one of them, I get an idea for the other one. In an ideal world, I’d try to work on them both, but that’s not going to happen. Well, it could, but it could be difficult. But hey, nothing worthwhile was ever easy, right?

I was pretty much ready to trunk The White Raven, but then that story started eating my brain again. I’m debating whether or not to add a prologue right now, giving a full description of Alanna’s car crash (apologies for this being meaningless for those who haven’t read the MS). Beta readers, do you think this is a good idea?

Reading has gone completely by the wayside, mostly because I’m either too tired or too busy with the sprog most of the time. I’ve traditionally always read for a while before bed, but I haven’t even been doing that, since I haven’t wanted to wake the sprog with the light.

Sooner or later I’ll find myself back in the word mines. For now, at least I can live in them mentally. And one day I’ll be awake enough after the sprog goes to bed to actually write.

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Almost three months

Feb 28th, 10 / Comments Off

In a couple of days Liam will be three months old.  It feels like he’s been here forever and at the same time, it feels like he’s only been here for a heartbeat.

Some things that I have learned:

  1. Breastfeeding is hard.  If you have a bub who latches on straight away, you’re damn lucky.  I wasn’t, and it took a lot of hard work to get to where we are.  We still have some bad days if Liam is fussy, but most of the time it is wonderful.
  2. I’ve dealt with fatigue from illness for a long time.  I thought I knew what tiredness and sleep deprivation were.  Hoo boy, I was wrong.  In the first few weeks, I was so sleep deprived that I was hallucinating.
  3. People who offer help are angels, and you should take them up on it as much as possible.
  4. My husband is truly awesome.  He did so much in the first few weeks, including dealing with many messy nappies in the middle of the night.
  5. The smiles you get from your baby when you enter the room are the best thing ever.
  6. Cloth nappies are awesome and awfully cute.  And dreadfully addictive.
  7. Same goes for baby carriers.
  8. You’ll find yourself doing things that you never planned on for the sake of your sanity.  For us, this was using disposable nappies fulltime for the first six weeks and introducing a dummy.  Still unhappy about the latter, but it keeps us sane and Liam happy.
  9. For me, trying to get any work other than caring for the baby and looking after the house (a bare minimum of that) is impossible for the first few months.
  10. That said, I’ve managed to do all of my judging work for the Australian Shadows Awards, and have started to plan a new novel in the last month.  I plan on returning to slush reading soon as well as trying to get more fun reading in.
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Beginnings

Feb 19th, 10 / 2 Comments

The universe has been nudging me, in both subtle and not-so-subtle ways, to get back to writing.

And so, instead of continuously posting here that I want to write and should be writing, I damn well will start doing some when I can.

I have several projects that I could work on, but the two that are clamouring for attention are the next draft of The White Raven and the first draft of Never .

Right now, I’m leaning towards starting work on Never, if only to start properly outlining and getting all of my character bios and the like written.  I can do these in dribs and drabs, which suits the lack-of-predictable schedule I have in my life right now.

Another thing that I came across today:  Mur Lafferty, of I Should Be Writing is co-ordinating a group workthrough of The Artist’s Way (here at facebook).  The Artist’s Way is a book that I’ve always meant to pick up and work through, but have never gotten around to.  I can take the hint, universe.  I ordered a copy and will start to work through it as much as I can.

I’ll try to keep blogging about how I’m incorporating work back into my life, because there must be someone out there interested in it.

Let the new cycle of work begin.

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